for MICHAEL

your inner soul beckons me to write the things I feel
like blood-brothers, its supernatural
and my heart breaks with yours
this humankindness thing must be scary where you are

if I could hold you- I would

sheep can bring such nightmares
ironic how counting sheep of childhood was missed
and now having them being led away
opposing every cell in your body

little boy black come blow your horn
the sheep's in a worldly meadow

the words of the Moonwalker tell the story that I heard

if I could hold you - I would

AC 1994

ALCOHOLISM

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN ALCOHOLIC

I'll drink until there's a loss- either materially or emotionally, usually both.

All ends with sleeping- either temporarily or finally.

Yes, keep it simple stupid...

You drink, you sleep.
You drink, you sleep.
You drink, you sleep. ad infinitum
You drink, you sleep- finally or temporarily.

A Few Poems

Me

I am not bitter, I'm unstable.
I am not shy, I'm scared to death.
I am not aloof, I'm non-existant.
I am not uncaring, I'm under-developed.

But with a growing faith in Jesus Christ, I am able to say...

I am not bizarre, I'm accepting.


Untitled

An oasis of hope is in wondering...
if I were content and happy, then would I have ever sought Christ?
and so he gives us only what we can handle today.
Open my heart and willingness to you Dear God, then open your arms.

GRIEVANCE

Dear Lord, I feel the warmth of your smile now.

Is it because I've prayed for thy will for me?

Recollection of a once existing innocense surfaces in my thoughts.

It is the "good-times' I've heard spoken of.

Back then, those first sips were like the warmth of your smile.

Was that a seedling of misguided instinct?

There was no questioning of motives, or confusion about direction then.

It was, sadly, the renaissance of deceit.

Surely I cannot stay long in this familiar space.

Will this be a wound that will go unhealed?

Thoughts of that time are dressed in self-pity and with accessories the color of regret.

But for today; Thank you Dear Lord- It will be instead a beautiful bud of the second Promise.

Circa 1990

...AND SO I FIND A STONE

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13

You know I've been spending hours searching for some "good" truth preacher's on TV. I may have found the station: today I was listening to Jentezen Franklin I think is the name. He was talking about the STONES required by Joshua to be built at the parting of the Red Sea. He went on to speak about the STONES/rocks of our past, and that the way to success was to follow them.

My mother only ever hinted of God when she would talk about her mother, Alice Marks. I was pretty young and not quite interested (only to be a memory)when she would talk about how her mother was what I will call "like Jesus". After some thought remembering my mom's words, I remember that my grandma(who died at age 42) must have been very spiritual and probably followed the STONE paths of her ancestors- God loving, God following, God fearing.

Little did I know that on that dismal, blustery, cold day when I went to the cemetary where my mom said that my grandma was buried, that I would actually find the site. I had no idea exactly where it lay. I had never had my mom take me to the grave site, only point from the car in some direction into the cemetary. On that day, some 40 plus years later, I finally left my car and went in the "pointed" direction in search of my grandma's grave site.

Behold, there it was: I know today that my God led me to that STONE. From my tear-filled eyes I read the grave stone- Alice Marks.

Good Morning Brick Town NJ

Not Vietnam- Thank you Jesus. Have I ever told you openly how blessed I am to have been born right here in USA, in New Jersey, about a mile from the great Atlantic Ocean? Really, who could ask for more? When I see the rest of the world, and it's disasters I am grateful for where I am. I feel a desire to not take advantage of my blessing. And to take advantage of it at the same time.

All the hurt in the world- and I know there is hurt right here in Brick NJ. There is hurt even in the remotest (sic) places just as in the most desirable places on our earth.

He allows our sin to take us over, He allows sin in our world. Just to have us reach out to Him, our healer, our redeemer, our Great Physician.

Come Lord Jesus come.

So Inspired by Stephanie

First, I wish again I knew more about these blogs and how it works. I'd like to give you a link about Stephanie.

Stephanie is my pastor's daughter. She is starting on the World Race this year. Eleven countries in eleven months. What a great gift from God she is. So inspiring to read about her testimony and love for our God. I would like to share her blog with Rare and Beautiful Erin's blogs but don't know exactly how. Maybe God will guide me. He knows the ones out here in the world who are working for him. Two great gals that I have had the pleasure of finding. Praise God. You are an awesome God. Help us to serve you endlessly.

This Is It !!!!!

Ok, so This Is It.... I do not mean to be a plagerist (spelling?) by having this post or blog spot being just like the few that I foll0w, but... Hopefully, it is a testiment to those others!! Today I'm feeling ORANGE!! Kind of like Harvesting my newest ideas. I read Nehemiah earlier- let's just say- I hope I can build my "wall" (transform my living spaces) with God's guidance and Grace. I know He has had a hand in this from the very start. I was feeling in need of a spiritual direction and at the same time decided to find the style: 1020's Beach House. And "Wa-la" I found Rare and Beautiful Treasures blog spot. It has been the most unbelievable site for inspiration on both fronts- God and Decorating. And I am very sure- it was no coincidence.


So here I am- God brought me John Mc- to do the "grunt" work and to converse in some very "heavy" speak on God and life. And now he's offered to barter to do my painting/prep etcetera. The day to day Miracles just keep coming- Praise to you the King of Kings!! So I am going to try to blog my way through the "transformation" of my precious living spaces. Dearest God in Heaven lead me in your way. May I do your will forever and ever. Amen.

Hello Up There!!!!!

OMW!!!!! So so so much has happened in my life. Almost all in my head!!!!! My relationship with God and Jesus Christ is growing so so so quickly. I am in awe. Thank you Lord Jesus. I will come back to say some things soon.